Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Breaking News! The Village People to add new character!

Earlier today, the venerable concept disco group The Village People announced that they would be adding a new character to their traditional lineup of a police officer, an Native American chief, a construction worker, a member of the military, a leather-clad biker, and a cowboy. "We are looking to add a seventh voice to give our vocals a little extra kick when we do stadium shows," said G. Jeff Olson (aka "The Cowboy). "Also the time is just right, we're ready to shake things up and add something new to the mix."

"We are looking for something contemporary," said Ray Simpson (aka "The Policeman"). "We want our new character to emblematic, something that the American public would immediately recognize, that's why we chose to make the new seventh character for the group a closeted gay Republican."

The new character will be outfitted with a standard issue Republican charcoal gray business suit for most occasions but, "sometimes he'll just dress like Tucker Carlson in khakis and penny loafers: those bow ties are to die for!"

When pressed for details Simpson and Olson demurred. "It's hard to say, there are so many to choose from," said Olson. "We're still trying to nail down the precise image," said Sampson, "we don't know if we want to go with 'disgraced former legislator,' 'disgraced cross-dressing evangelist,' or 'disgraced National Young Republican leader accused of sexually assaulting a 22-year old man.'"

The musical group has promised to hold open auditions to ensure that the group finds the closeted gay Republican that best represents their exciting new direction.

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